i've been thinking about hope a lot lately. i've been experiencing hope, too. and you know what, it's risky. it involves waiting. living out of a hopeful place means opening up your heart and mind enough to acknowledge what you want, why you want it, and just how badly you want it. don't mistake me - it is fun to dream, to dream big. but the other day i realized how vulnerable it can feel to open up wide to hope, because we're opening ourselves up to the possibility of not getting what we want or of having to keep waiting for it. in other words, we must be open to the risk of disappointment. no wonder we're often so timid.
this last month has been one full of waiting and hope, each week, it seems, for the next big thing in life: my job, tim's job, a place to live. it's almost hard to imagine how much we've been blessed with recently. I got the new job I applied for, allowing me to finish and say goodbye to my current position. we were asked to lease the AMAZING HOUSE we fell in love with last week... which means that we'll stay in Charlottesville, I will take my new job, and we will get to enjoy a home with a wraparound porch, mountain view total privacy, and room for a garden, all only 15 minutes from downtown c'ville. yayayay!
we're still waiting for tim to find work, which for me, is where the risk of disappointment remains. we have not let fear of that risk take root, instead choosing to remember the blessings we've been granted and the goodness of God in all things. yes, we very much desire for tim to have meaningful, vocational work this year, and at the same time, we trust that God will deal graciously with us if that doesn't look like we hope. if he has to wait for that work to materialize [like i have this past year].
at the end of the day, living with the risk of disappointment means that we live with joyful, thankful, hope-filled hearts... which surely is more life-giving that hardening and protecting our hearts from disappointment. hope is worth the risk.