worn out + thankful

today there is much reason to be exhausted and discouraged ... and much reason to be grateful. tim and i have been house-hopping for 15 days now, while we are in-between leases. through the hospitality and generosity of friends, we have had a bed + warm shower, electricity, and encouragement + laughter every single night. God has provided abundantly through the hearts and hands of our community. we are blessed.

and tired. this whole uprooted adventure has gone much more smoothly and enjoyably than i had anticipated. and, then yesterday i about fell apart. i am trying to navigate a new job, while my supervisors are on vacation, haven't had an actual office to work in yet, and just felt d.o.n.e.  i'm really seeing that after this long of "vacation," structure and a predictable routine provide so much comfort and a sense of stability. not that i want to be a slave to those things, but, i'm ready for my own bed and kitchen. for rest.

i'm tempted to think of us as being homeless right now. well, i was thinking that until a week ago, when i met my first clients as a crisis intervention counselor who are, in fact, homeless for all practical purposes. they live part time in a truck and part time in a shed without water or electricity. they are desperate for a change, and in serious survival mode; and yet they manage to be pretty resourceful people. they are a reminder of all the abundance i've been given, despite the challenges of the past few weeks.

so, i'll try my best to choose to let thankfulness reign over discouragement and fatigue, with a heart full of thankfulness to all of the helping hands around us.

katie anne

this i call to mind

lamentations 3.19-25

the thought of my affliction and my homelessness
   is wormwood and gall!
my soul continually thinks of it
   and is bowed down within me.
but this i call to mind,
   and therefore i have hope:

the steadfast love of the Lord never ceases,
   His mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
   great is your faithfulness.
"the Lord is my portion," says my soul,
   "therefore i will hope in Him."

the Lord is good to those who wait for Him,
   to the soul that seeks Him.

the risk of hope

i've been thinking about hope a lot lately. i've been experiencing hope, too. and you know what, it's risky. it involves waiting. living out of a hopeful place means opening up your heart and mind enough to acknowledge what you want, why you want it, and just how badly you want it. don't mistake me - it is fun to dream, to dream big. but the other day i realized how vulnerable it can feel to open up wide to hope, because we're opening ourselves up to the possibility of not getting what we want or of having to keep waiting for it. in other words, we must be open to the risk of disappointment. no wonder we're often so timid.

this last month has been one full of waiting and hope, each week, it seems, for the next big thing in life: my job, tim's job, a place to live. it's almost hard to imagine how much we've been blessed with recently. I got the new job I applied for, allowing me to finish and say goodbye to my current position. we were asked to lease the AMAZING HOUSE we fell in love with last week... which means that we'll stay in Charlottesville, I will take my new job, and we will get to enjoy a home with a wraparound porch, mountain view total privacy, and room for a garden, all only 15 minutes from downtown c'ville. yayayay!

we're still waiting for tim to find work, which for me, is where the risk of disappointment remains. we have not let fear of that risk take root, instead choosing to remember the blessings we've been granted and the goodness of God in all things. yes, we very much desire for tim to have meaningful, vocational work this year, and at the same time, we trust that God will deal graciously with us if that doesn't look like we hope. if he has to wait for that work to materialize [like i have this past year].

at the end of the day, living with the risk of disappointment means that we live with joyful, thankful, hope-filled hearts... which surely is more life-giving that hardening and protecting our hearts from disappointment. hope is worth the risk.

in hope,
katie anne